Share the Joy:
Attendants, Invitations & Etiquette, Gifts, Parties

Invitations & Etiquette

Beautiful or whimsical... Elegant or casual...
An invitation can set the tone and evoke
anticipation of the event to come.

Some of the toughest decisions in planning a wedding are faced when the guest list is made. Who do you invite? Where do you draw the line? Do you want to give an open invitation at your office or church? Only the couple can come up with the answers to these questions. The decision-making process does not end here, however. True, many options exist when making the guest list, but even more options exist when choosing the invitations.

There are dozens of lines of invitations and announcements, as well as "personalized" invitations utilizing calligraphy, sketches or even a photograph of the couple. Most local stationers and printers carry a variety of lines, and some have a dozen or more sample books with hundreds of sample invitations.

Relying on the Professionals

Relying on the professionals is the key. In most cases, they will point out the "socially correct" way to arrange (and spell) words. The help of a true professional is indispensable for today’s couples juggling to include both parents and stepparents. The professional’s knowledge of etiquette is an asset not only for the invitation itself, but also often for many other aspects of the wedding.

Invitation Etiquette

The following are some of the basic traditional rules of wedding etiquette the bride and groom should remember when preparing their invitations and announcements:

1. Names and titles should be spelled out. The only exceptions are Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Jr.

2. Write out all dates and times in the invitation. The numbers in addresses need not be spelled out, although streets should be. Include the state if the city is not well known.

3. Never under any circumstances, include information regarding your gift registry or desire for monetary gifts. All information regarding gift preference should be passed along by word of mouth. Today, however, it has become acceptable to declare "no gifts" or in lieu of a gift to make a donation to a specified charity.

4. Put response cards and stamped pre-addressed envelopes inside the invitation with any other enclosures. Place this in the inner envelope, and put the inner envelope in the outer one, so that it faces the back flap. (See “Inserting Invitations” diagram below).

5. Do not seal the inner envelope. Address it simply to "Mr. and Mrs. Jones". Do not use first names, except in the case of children. Even then, they should be listed on a second line underneath their parents’ names.

6. Envelopes should be addressed in black ink and never typed. Do not abbreviate names or addresses and include the return address centered on the back, near the top.

7. Mail invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding.

8. Mail announcements on the day of the wedding (or soon after).

Inserting Invitations

1. Insert invitation into the inner envelope along with enclosure card, reply card and any other enclosures. Always remember the front (printed side) of the invitation faces the back side of the envelope, fold down (see diagram A). The tissue that is placed over lettering to prevent smudging may be discarded or left in place.

2. Place the unsealed inner envelope into the outer envelope. The front (addressed side) of the inner envelope faces the back flap of the outer envelope (see diagram B).

 

Sample Wording

The only way to be assured that your invitations are worded properly is to work with a professional stationer or invitation specialist. The following are samples of some common wording you can use to get you started. The worksheet section of this WEDDING Planner & Guide contains space to jot down your initial wording. After you have recorded your ideas, visit your local stationer or printer to discuss the details. The stationer or printer can also help couples to determine what type of invitations, printing processes (engraved: letters cut into the paper; thermography: raised lettering, etc.), colors, or trends will work best with their wedding plans.

Traditional Bride's Parents Sponsoring Mr. and Mrs. William Andrews request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Sarah Lynn to Mr. Michael James Brooks on Saturday, the tenth of September at half past two o'clock St. Patrick Church Lake Geneva, Wisconsin	Contemporary Bride's Parents Sponsoring Mr. and Mrs. William Andrews would like you to join their daughter Sarah and Mike Brooks in the celebration of their marriage
Less Formal Bride's Parents Sponsoring We ask only those dearest in our hearts to join us in celebrating the marriage of our daughter Sarah to Mike Brooks at half past two o'clock on Saturday, September tenth St. Patrick Church Lake Geneva, Wisconsin Mary and William Andrews	Traditional Bride and Groom's Parents Sponsoring Mr. and Mrs. William Andrews and Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Brooks request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Sarah Lynn to Michael James on Saturday, the tenth of September at half past two o'clock St. Patrick Church Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Grooms's Parents Sponsoring Mr. and Mrs. David Brooks request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Sarah Lynn Andrews to their son Michael James Brooks	Combined (Ceremony / Reception) ...  St. Patrick Church Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and afterward at Post Oak Country Club
Bride's Parents are Divorced and Both Remarried Co-sponsoring Wedding Mr. and Mrs. Scott Reynolds and Mr. and Mrs. William Andrews request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Sarah Lynn Andrews	Bride's Mother Divorced and Remarried Sponsoring Wedding Mr. and Mrs. Scott Reynolds requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Sarah Lynn Andrews
Bride's Parents Divorced Neither Remarried Co-sponsoring Wedding Mrs. Mary Lee Andrews and Mr. William Andrews	Bride's Divorced Mother Sponsoring Wedding Mrs. Mary Lee Andrews requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter
Bride's Widowed Mother Sponsoring Wedding Mrs. William Andrews requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter	Bride's Step-Mother and Father Sponsoring Wedding Mr. and Mrs. William Andrews request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Mrs. Andrews' stepdaughter Sarah Lynn
Traditional Bride and Groom Sponsoring Wedding The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Sarah Lynn Andrews to Michael James Brooks on Saturday, the tenth of September at half past two o'clock. St. Patrick Church	Contemporary Bride and Groom Sponsoring Wedding We invite you to share our joy in celebrating our love. We have chosen to continue our growth through marriage; please join Sarah Andrew sand Mike Brooks
Second Wedding Parents Sponsoring Mr. and Mrs. William Andrews request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Sarah Andrews Clark to Mr. Michael James Brooks	Second Wedding Bride and Groom Sponsoring The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Sarah Andrews Clark to Mr. Michael James Brooks
Reaffirming Vows The honour of your presence is requested at the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of Mr. and Mrs. Thompson Saturday, the twenty-first of June at five o'clock First Presbyterian Church Rolling Hills, Illinois Reception to follow in the Church Hall

Helpful Hints

Since most couples do not know a great deal about the process of inviting guests, they are encouraged to keep a few other things in mind:

1 Order invitations four to six months before the wedding. Make sure all details are secured before ordering (i.e. location, date, time).

2 Find a store where the staff will spend enough time with their customers. Deal with people who know what they are doing. Not all people who sell invitations are professionals who know proper etiquette and wording.

3 Get everything - invitations, envelopes, announcements and any supplements - at the same time. Be sure to have an accurate guest count. Order extra invitations and envelopes, because extra orders later will mean extra costs.

4 To save headaches later, choose programs, thank-yous, printed napkins, place cards and other related items now.

5 Finally, proofread the order form carefully before signing it. Printers will not usually correct mistakes unless you pay for them.

6 Mail invitations six weeks before the wedding (eight weeks if most of the guests are out-of-state).

7 After the invitations are sent, responses begin arriving immediately. Devise a system to keep track of replies. An alphabetized checklist, index cards, ledger or home computer are all easy ways to keep track of who has and has not responded (keep in mind that statistics show you should only expect a 75 to 80 percent return).